Sometimes I forget

Sometimes I forget I'm missing Noel. Life seems like it did before and I'm happy and content. Then I realize I'm not thinking about Noel being gone and a big wave of sadness comes my way. If there hadn't been love the sadness wouldn't be there so the sadness is a good thing. Being human isn't easy but I did a painting full force and had a wonderful weekend on the Oregon Coast before I realized where and who I was. It's a process.

Holding On

When Noel died I didn't hold on to him. I felt certain that he wanted me to let him go. Now I finally come out of a tunnel I have been in and begin to paint and I see, deep down from where paintings come from, me, holding on to him, with the biggest arm and hand I can imagine.

My desire now for the last third of my life is to live with an untroubled (although it will be sad some of the time) heart.
Remembering my life with Noel always helps.